A little word from Johnny to start the day..
During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show Us your good manners?"
I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."
The teacher fainted.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Upstairs with Uncle Paul
"Hello?"
"Hi honey
This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause,
Daddy says,
"But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do,and he's upstairs in the room
with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs
and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy,just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared,jumped out of bed with no
clothes on and ran around screaming.Then she tripped over the rug, hit
her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was
all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming
pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week
to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says,
"Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"
"Hi honey
This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause,
Daddy says,
"But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do,and he's upstairs in the room
with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs
and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy,just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared,jumped out of bed with no
clothes on and ran around screaming.Then she tripped over the rug, hit
her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was
all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming
pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week
to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says,
"Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"
angel -children explanation
Angels, Explained by children
Sarah, 7 " I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold."
Gregory, 5 "Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it."
Olive, 9 "It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to heaven, then there's still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes."
Matthew, 9 "Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else."
Mitchell, 7 "My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for science."
Henry, 8 "Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!!."
Jack, 6 "Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead."
Daniel, 9 "When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado."
Reagan, 10 "Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the Winter."
Sara, 6 "Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter."
Jared , 8 "All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn't go for it."
Antonio, 9 "My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth."
Katelynn, 9 "Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don't make the animals get better, they help the child get over it."
Vicki, 8 "What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them."
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
A new pill that stops your period..A new pill that stops your period.
A new pill that stops your period.By Sarah E. Richards Posted Wednesday, Oct. 18, 2006, at 5:04 PM ET
If a new brand of birth control gets approved early next year, that time of the month could become the time of, like, the decade. Lybrel, a birth-control pill made by Wyeth, would be the first oral contraceptive to deliver an uninterrupted supply of hormones. Seventy percent of women who took it for six months were period-free, according to a preliminary study by the company.
Wyeth isn't the first pharmaceutical company to reimagine the menstrual cycle. In 1992, the FDA approved Depo-Provera, an injection that is repeated every three months. In 2003, Seasonale rescheduled the monthly period to four times a year. And in July, the government gave the go-ahead for Implanon, an implant that delivers a steady hormone stream for up to three years. But the pill is the favorite means of birth control of the nearly quarter of American women of childbearing age who take hormonal contraceptives. That means Lybrel—and the other brands that will surely follow—could change the menstrual cycle as we know it. The appeal is obvious: No more bloating, cramping, food cravings, and PMS jokes, not to mention the savings in unpurchased tampons and such. But in the end, for reasons both medical and cultural, it's not clear that putting the kibosh on the curse is a good idea.
Traditional pill packs contain a week of placebos for each monthly cycle, and, as a result, women who take them appear to menstruate. But it turns out that the bleeding serves no reproductive purpose. Since there's no egg to flush out, the bleeding is a symptom of withdrawal from progestin and estrogen, the hormones in the pill—in essence, it's a fake period. The inventors of the pill, which debuted in 1960, supposedly decided to mimic the menstrual cycle because they thought that would make women more psychologically comfortable with the product.
If a new brand of birth control gets approved early next year, that time of the month could become the time of, like, the decade. Lybrel, a birth-control pill made by Wyeth, would be the first oral contraceptive to deliver an uninterrupted supply of hormones. Seventy percent of women who took it for six months were period-free, according to a preliminary study by the company.
Wyeth isn't the first pharmaceutical company to reimagine the menstrual cycle. In 1992, the FDA approved Depo-Provera, an injection that is repeated every three months. In 2003, Seasonale rescheduled the monthly period to four times a year. And in July, the government gave the go-ahead for Implanon, an implant that delivers a steady hormone stream for up to three years. But the pill is the favorite means of birth control of the nearly quarter of American women of childbearing age who take hormonal contraceptives. That means Lybrel—and the other brands that will surely follow—could change the menstrual cycle as we know it. The appeal is obvious: No more bloating, cramping, food cravings, and PMS jokes, not to mention the savings in unpurchased tampons and such. But in the end, for reasons both medical and cultural, it's not clear that putting the kibosh on the curse is a good idea.
Traditional pill packs contain a week of placebos for each monthly cycle, and, as a result, women who take them appear to menstruate. But it turns out that the bleeding serves no reproductive purpose. Since there's no egg to flush out, the bleeding is a symptom of withdrawal from progestin and estrogen, the hormones in the pill—in essence, it's a fake period. The inventors of the pill, which debuted in 1960, supposedly decided to mimic the menstrual cycle because they thought that would make women more psychologically comfortable with the product.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Top 25 Web Hoaxes and Pranks
copy from msn
By Steve Bass, PC World
1. The Accidental Tourist (2001)
Quite possibly the most famous hoax picture ever, this gruesome idea of a joke traveled around the Web and made a grand tour of e-mail inboxes everywhere soon after the tragedy of September 11. It depicts a tourist standing on the observation deck of one of the World Trade Center towers, unknowingly posing for a picture as an American Airlines plane approaches in the background.
2. Sick Kid Needs Your Help (1989)
This gem had its roots in reality. It all began in 1989, when nine-year-old cancer patient Craig Shergold thought of a way to achieve his dream of getting into the Guinness Book of World Records. Craig asked people to send greeting cards, and boy, did they. By 1991, 33 million greeting cards had been sent, far surpassing the prior record. Ironically, however, the Guinness World Records site doesn't contain any mention of Craig Sherwood or a "most greeting cards received" record, presumably because the fine folks at the site don't want to encourage anyone to try to break his mark. (Astonishingly, Guinness doesn't have an entry for world's stoutest person, either, but it does honor the World's Largest Tankard of Beer.)
By Steve Bass, PC World
These online spoofs and shams have made the rounds on Web sites and
through e-mail. Perhaps you even believed one or two of them yourself.
Whether they take the form of a comic image of a giant cat or a
desperate plea from a sick child, chain e-mail messages and Internet frauds are
elements of the online landscape that we've all encountered. No topic is off
limits: a medical warning, a promise of free money, or a believably (or
shoddily) Photoshopped image. But at the end of the day, they're just elaborate
hoaxes or clever pranks--and we've collected 25 of the most infamous ones ever
to have graced the Internet or our inboxes.
desperate plea from a sick child, chain e-mail messages and Internet frauds are
elements of the online landscape that we've all encountered. No topic is off
limits: a medical warning, a promise of free money, or a believably (or
shoddily) Photoshopped image. But at the end of the day, they're just elaborate
hoaxes or clever pranks--and we've collected 25 of the most infamous ones ever
to have graced the Internet or our inboxes.
Though some of these deceptions originated years ago, the originals--and dozens of variants--continue to make the rounds. If you keep a patient vigil over your e-mail, you too may eventually spot a message urging you to FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!! And if you haven't had enough when you finish reading this article, take a hoax test at the Museum of Hoaxes, and then hop over to Snopes, the premier myth-dispelling site for coverage of zillions of other falsifications.
_______________________________________________________
Sound Off: Have you ever been fooled by a Web hoax?
_______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
Sound Off: Have you ever been fooled by a Web hoax?
_______________________________________________________
Hoaxes 1 Through 5
From the supposed last photo taken at the top of the World Trade Center to the endlessly revised request for assistance from a Nigerian functionary, here are our top five Web and e-mail hoaxes.
From the supposed last photo taken at the top of the World Trade Center to the endlessly revised request for assistance from a Nigerian functionary, here are our top five Web and e-mail hoaxes.
Quite possibly the most famous hoax picture ever, this gruesome idea of a joke traveled around the Web and made a grand tour of e-mail inboxes everywhere soon after the tragedy of September 11. It depicts a tourist standing on the observation deck of one of the World Trade Center towers, unknowingly posing for a picture as an American Airlines plane approaches in the background.
At first glance it appears to be real, but if you examine
certain details, you'll see that
it's a
craftily modified image. For starters, the plane that struck the WTC was
a wide-body Boeing 767; the one in the picture is a smaller 757. The approach
of the plane in the picture is from the north, yet the building it would have
hit--the North tower--didn't have an outdoor observation deck. Furthermore, the
South tower's outdoor deck didn't open until 9:30 a.m. on weekdays, more than
half an hour after the first plane struck the WTC. The picture is a hoax,
through and through--and not a particularly amusing one, under the
circumstances.
certain details, you'll see that
it's a
craftily modified image. For starters, the plane that struck the WTC was
a wide-body Boeing 767; the one in the picture is a smaller 757. The approach
of the plane in the picture is from the north, yet the building it would have
hit--the North tower--didn't have an outdoor observation deck. Furthermore, the
South tower's outdoor deck didn't open until 9:30 a.m. on weekdays, more than
half an hour after the first plane struck the WTC. The picture is a hoax,
through and through--and not a particularly amusing one, under the
circumstances.
Image courtesy of Snopes.com.
This gem had its roots in reality. It all began in 1989, when nine-year-old cancer patient Craig Shergold thought of a way to achieve his dream of getting into the Guinness Book of World Records. Craig asked people to send greeting cards, and boy, did they. By 1991, 33 million greeting cards had been sent, far surpassing the prior record. Ironically, however, the Guinness World Records site doesn't contain any mention of Craig Sherwood or a "most greeting cards received" record, presumably because the fine folks at the site don't want to encourage anyone to try to break his mark. (Astonishingly, Guinness doesn't have an entry for world's stoutest person, either, but it does honor the World's Largest Tankard of Beer.)
Fortunately, doctors succeeded in
removing the tumor, and Craig is now a healthy adult, but his appeal for cards
has turned into
the hoax that won't
die. Variations on the theme include a sick girl dying of cancer, and a
little boy with leukemia whose dying wish is to start an eternal chain letter.
A recent iteration tells a tragic tale of a girl who supposedly was horribly
burned in a fire at WalMart, and then claims that
AOL will pay all
of her medical bills if only if you forward this e-mail to EVERYONE YOU
KNOW!!! Okay, enough already.
removing the tumor, and Craig is now a healthy adult, but his appeal for cards
has turned into
the hoax that won't
die. Variations on the theme include a sick girl dying of cancer, and a
little boy with leukemia whose dying wish is to start an eternal chain letter.
A recent iteration tells a tragic tale of a girl who supposedly was horribly
burned in a fire at WalMart, and then claims that
AOL will pay all
of her medical bills if only if you forward this e-mail to EVERYONE YOU
KNOW!!! Okay, enough already.
Image courtesy of
Snopes.com.
Snopes.com.
3. Bill Gates Money Giveaway (1997)
No, it's true. I thought it was a scam, but it happened to a buddy of mine. It seems that Microsoft is testing some new program for tracing e-mail, and the company needs volunteers to help try the thing out. He forwarded me an e-mail that he received from Microsoft--and get this, from Bill Gates himself! Two weeks later, as a reward for participating, my pal received a check for thousands of dollars! Sure he did. Another version of this hoax claims that AOL's tracking service is offering a cash reward. Tell you what--when you get your check, send me 10 percent as a finder's fee, okay?
No, it's true. I thought it was a scam, but it happened to a buddy of mine. It seems that Microsoft is testing some new program for tracing e-mail, and the company needs volunteers to help try the thing out. He forwarded me an e-mail that he received from Microsoft--and get this, from Bill Gates himself! Two weeks later, as a reward for participating, my pal received a check for thousands of dollars! Sure he did. Another version of this hoax claims that AOL's tracking service is offering a cash reward. Tell you what--when you get your check, send me 10 percent as a finder's fee, okay?
4. Five-Cent E-Mail Tax (1999)
"Dear Internet Subscriber," the e-mail starts. "The Government of the United States is quietly pushing through legislation that will affect your use of the Internet." It goes on to reveal that "Bill 602P" will authorize the U.S. Postal Service to assess a charge of five cents for every e-mail sent. Not a bad way to cut down on the number of dopey e-mail chain letters and lame jokes people let loose on the world. But credulous curse averters and connoisseurs of boffo laffs can relax: This e-mail alert, which popped up in 1999 and comes back for a visit every year or so, just isn't true. Still, it sounded plausible enough to fool Hillary Clinton during a 2000 debate when she was running for the Senate.
"Dear Internet Subscriber," the e-mail starts. "The Government of the United States is quietly pushing through legislation that will affect your use of the Internet." It goes on to reveal that "Bill 602P" will authorize the U.S. Postal Service to assess a charge of five cents for every e-mail sent. Not a bad way to cut down on the number of dopey e-mail chain letters and lame jokes people let loose on the world. But credulous curse averters and connoisseurs of boffo laffs can relax: This e-mail alert, which popped up in 1999 and comes back for a visit every year or so, just isn't true. Still, it sounded plausible enough to fool Hillary Clinton during a 2000 debate when she was running for the Senate.
5. Nigerian 419 E-Mail Scam (2000)
"DEAR SIR," the e-mail starts. "FIRSTLY I MUST FIRST SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION; LET ME START BY INTRODUCING MYSELF PROPERLY..." I'm sure you've received one of these--a confidential, urgent e-mail message promising you a reward of mucho dinero for helping this person convey money abroad. All you need do in return is entrust your name and bank account number to the government bureaucrat (or his uncle, aunt, or cousin, the ostensible "credit offficer with the union bank of Nigeria plc (uba) Benin branch") who needs your help.
"DEAR SIR," the e-mail starts. "FIRSTLY I MUST FIRST SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION; LET ME START BY INTRODUCING MYSELF PROPERLY..." I'm sure you've received one of these--a confidential, urgent e-mail message promising you a reward of mucho dinero for helping this person convey money abroad. All you need do in return is entrust your name and bank account number to the government bureaucrat (or his uncle, aunt, or cousin, the ostensible "credit offficer with the union bank of Nigeria plc (uba) Benin branch") who needs your help.
It's the Nigerian con, also known as an Advanced Fee Fraud or 419 scam (so called because of the section number of the Nigerian criminal code that applies to it). Ancestors of these scams appeared in the 1980s, when the media of choice were letters or faxes--and they're still wildly successful at snagging people. In fact, Oprah recently featured a victim of the Nigerian scam on her show. And if you think that smart, educated folks couldn't possibly fall for it, you'll be surprised when you read " The Perfect Mark," a New Yorker magazine article profiling a Massachusetts psychotherapist who was duped--and lost a fortune.
To see how the hoax works, visit
Scamorama, a fascinating site
that features a progression of e-mail messages stringing along 419 scammers,
sometimes for months at a time. Finally, check out the
3rd Annual
Nigerian E-Mail Conference, an absolutely perfect spoof.
Scamorama, a fascinating site
that features a progression of e-mail messages stringing along 419 scammers,
sometimes for months at a time. Finally, check out the
3rd Annual
Nigerian E-Mail Conference, an absolutely perfect spoof.
Content by:
Related Tech & Gadgets Articles
advertisement
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)